For Marley....

Today I awoke to the unimaginable. A friend had lost his only daughter. A beautiful, healthy, 15 month old girl named Marley. She had her father's eyes. I never got to meet Marley. Her parents and I had plans to get Helena and Marley together for a play date in the near future. I had just spent some time with her father up at the lake house. It was more than obvious this was a little girl so beloved, so cherished. He went on and on in the way a first time parent does. Each story a gem, relaying each little milestone his pride and joy had made. And now it has all come to a screeching halt. Marley's passing was sudden and remains full of speculation. Sometimes I think that might be the harder part. Not knowing why your child has left. Having no preparation for their departure. We had a full 24 weeks to prepare for losing Lucie. We knew the cause of her impending death. We had some sort of control; some sort of say in how we said goodbye. My friend and his wife did not have this luxury. They were called to come see their baby and say their goodbyes. No time to gather any composure. Not a second to try to make sense of any of it.
My heart breaks when I think of it. These parents, good parents. Good people. Loving people. Ready to be there every step of the way for their little girl, to bring her up in this world full of so many parents who drop the ball. People walk away from their children every day. They make conscious decisions to stop parenting and stop caring. They abuse them. They betray them. And somehow they remain here. It will never make sense to me. I know my own pain and how much it hurts and I can't even fathom what these people are going through. We were so blessed to have Helena come out of that terrible situation. We were so lucky to have Anezka and Lukas to fall back on. Grieving is much easier when you have other life you made around you, I've found.

People were looking to me for some advice on how to approach this with them. The only thing I felt strongly about was that you never ignore or pretend you don't know what happened when you're around the grieving. I've had so many people who I know are aware of Lucie, never say a word to me about it. They're too scared to bring it up, not sure what to say. SAY ANYTHING. Let the grieving turn you away. Allow that person the control they missed out on, the privilege to say, "not now, please" or "thank you". Don't place further burden on cracked and broken shoulders by waiting for them to talk to you and bring it up. We who are grieving are often more concerned about your comfort than our own. Perhaps it's extra, misplaced nurturing that we feel the need to carry out with someone, anyone. Cater to someone else besides ourselves. I find it surprisingly cathartic to offer up my help to them. I'll be their shoulder, should they need it. I'll carry them if they call on me.

As I've said before, I'm not really the praying type. But I send my heart and thoughts up to the universe for people I know need it. This isn't a void easily repaired with time. There is no spackle for the hole in the wall. There is learning to walk with darkness. Learning to live with pain. I beg for peace and love for all of the family. They desperately need it. And for beloved Marley. May she rest in peace and love and always know she was someone's everything.