did you have to let it linger....

It's been a while since I've written. I think part of me actually felt like I was being self indulgent in my words. At the same time, isn't that what it's all for though? To indulge these feelings, to put them out there to the universe and hope they bring some good back?

Regardless, I'm back. Today I was thinking of spring's renewal; life eternal. I'm sad she's not here to enjoy the green coming to life. To witness bugs on the ground scrambling to their tunnels. To share in that with her sisters and brother.


I watch the three kids out in the sandbox and it affirms how lucky I am. Three beautiful, bright children who somehow manage to keep me grounded when I've wanted to float off. I'm missing her more these days when I see Helena doing something for the first time. Or when I catch her in the middle of a giggle fit like only a child knows how to have. I just try to hold on a little longer, keep her gaze a little longer, hope she holds my hand a little longer, listen to her squealing in joy a little longer. She's simply a phenomenal child, a gift in every sense of the word. They all are. With each sunrise, her childhood is passing. Soon they will all be teens, just trying to find a way to ditch their mom. Letting me know loud and clear, I'm not needed anymore. I hope that day never comes. I need them to need me, to want their mom, to want that embrace only their mom can provide.

So between now and then, I'll just linger a little longer with them. Admiring their innocence, their curiosity, their passion for the simple.