Levity

A lot of what I write is bogged down in self reflective sorrow and grief. For obvious reasons, of course. Many times I hesitate to write a more up beat post because the maternal guilt I harbor stops me, reminding me I am grief-stricken. And I am, I am. But I'm also so privileged to witness another human being paving their way in this world. Greeting each new encounter with the same level of excitement and curiosity. She's not jaded, she's not bitter, she's porcelain skin innocent. Her father and I watched her today as she realized that crawling is not reserved just for retrieval, but for travel. We watched her place hand after tiny hand in front of herself, lifting her knees with slight trepidation, showing us that indeed, this IS new and scary and exciting all at the same time. She looked up at us as if to ask, "Am I doing this right?" and we reassured her "Yes! Go Helena! Yes!!". As she giggled and gurgled down the hallway, we saw the delight wash over her face when she realized in an instant that she can chase after her siblings. Cheeks smooshed up to her ears, baring all eight teeth, our baby girl began forging her way through this world. We encouraged her to follow, we assisted when she nearly ran into the wall. But mostly we sat on the sidelines, hearts bursting, laughter echoing, as our daughter made her way.
It is in moments like today, where everything is okay, pain subsides, the void almost full.